Today Q and I decided to tag along with Jason to his dentist appointment. He’s been working overnights lately and after he gets home around 8am and sleeps until 1 or so, it leaves little room for us to all spend time together before he has to head back in.
Damn you retail.
Not that us kickin it in the waiting room while he gets poked and prodded in another room is exactly spending quality time together but its the little things. Like the drive down and back. Or slowly circling the block like a couple of creepers looking for a parking spot because there is snow EVERYWHERE. Seriously, its #$%&@*! ridiculous how much there is.
(sidenote: Ive discovered today that the snow on my property is now officially up to my boobs. It was a total WTF moment.)
ANYWAY, back to the dentist, who is also Jason’s uncle, so a regular visit also doubles as a bi-annual fam reunion. At this point everyone in the office knows who we are and because Quinn is beyond cute she sort of steals the show. She knows it too and totally uses it to her advantage. I was feeding her on one of the comfy sofas in the waiting room and every time someone walked in or looked her way, she’d toss her bottle, perk up and start “chatting”. Haha I can’t even get mad at her either because its so CUTE!
About 40 minutes in, this really nice woman walked in and sat down next to me. She was so personable and fun to talk to and I was sad that we only chatted for a few minutes because Jason’s appointment was over. After stroking Q’s ego for a few minutes (ha!) we got to chatting about the challenges of being a stay at home mom. Don’t get me wrong, there are far more rewards than challenges and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But sometimes it feels so good to talk and vent to someone who isn’t judging or shaming (Mom Shaming is totally a real thing folks and its evil) every move or decision you make. Its really shitty when you think you’ve got a new mom friend and then BAM she slams you with a below the knee “Oh, you formula feed?”
“Why, yes I do because my boobs are assholes.”
I would totally note the woman’s name in the waiting room today if I didn’t absolutely suck at remembering simple stuff like that, but I knew I liked her when she said, “You know what? As beautiful and natural as it is most of the time, sometimes breastfeeding sucks and it completely changes you and THATS what they don’t tell you”
HALLELUJAH! Someone GETS IT!
And its true. Sometimes it fucking blows. On Q’s two day birthday she drew blood. I’ll never forget it. When she was finally done with her 40 MINUTE MEAL, I burped her and she spit up. I freaked when I saw blood so I called in the nurse and she took one look at it, then my boob, laughed and said, “Oh hunny, she split you real good!”
What the fuck. THAT CAN HAPPEN?!
The things you learn…
Then four months later, four long, excruciating, exhausting months later, she did it again. I felt like I was dipping my boobs into a tank of piranhas every time she latched on and each time I was on the verge of just saying fuck it, someone get me a god damn bottle before these things fall off. But I was also adamant about continuing because I wanted to. I lasted six months before I switched, and it took another month or two to get over the guilt of not being able to breastfeed. Someone once told me, “If you feed your baby with love, thats all that matters”. That person deserves a medal.
Waiting room woman and I also talked about things other than BF obviously, like how many times a day I just want to hide in my basement with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Or how many times Ive literally been reduced to tears by how quickly Quinn grows out of outfits that we just bought her a week or two prior. Pre-baby, I used to always wonder why women would get sooooo dramatic over little things like the first hair cut or first tooth, and then once I had her it all made sense. I almost lost my shit at CVS the other night when I saw Q laughing at the guy behind me in line and I realized she had finally cut her first two teeth.
As much as I appreciate getting out of the house and being able to talk to people my own size (I say that with as much humor as possible because lets me honest, Ive got talking to babies and cats down to a science), I’m even more thankful to be able to talk to women much like today and actually relate and not feel shamed in any way. Its so refreshing!
When we finally left, she told me to keep doing me because I rock at it and to claim a room in my house with the most sunlight and make it MY own space, because I deserve to escape every now and then dammit.
I’m thinking my sunroom will be my next project… 😉